One is the loneliest number . . .

Yesterday, on my aforementioned venture to Six Flags, I had some rough times. It was enough to be out in the sun walking around for hours. But then I was tossed and turned and twisted around on thrill ride after thrill ride. Every loopty-loop left me with a ringing headache. My stomach, shriveled to the size of a peanut as it may have been, rose up into my mouth. I experienced vertigo and an imminent sense of my own death repeatedly, more than my frail constitution could bear. Damn, was it great.

When lunch came around, we went to the park's ill-executed foray into Mexican food, La Cocina. Most of my coworkers opted for the taco salad, which was consumed directly before my eyes in disbelief. Never in my life have I seen the word salad so generously applied to a meal. Let's get one fact straight, people: including lettuce in a meal DOES NOT A SALAD MAKE. This entree consisted of an enormous plastic bowl piled high with a bed of iceberg lettuce and tortilla chips. Seated atop the pile, tender strips of grilled chicken breast were scattered haphazardly in a feeble attempt to make this food look appetizing. But, then, the coup de grace, for what is a salad without salad dressing? Wait, I know, what's better than salad dressing? NACHO CHEESE! That's right: right on top of this sad mountain of shame was a stagnant lake of the orangiest, goopiest nacho cheese I have ever seen. And if this tower of tortured taste was not enough, Heinz brand salsa (in single serving portions no less) was available at the condiment station. Was this La Cocina's attempt to supplant KFC's Famous Bowl for the title of "failure pile in a sadness bowl"?

On another note, my doctor recently responded to my questions to her about the Master Cleanse. Her endorsement: a ringing NO! She said that she would not recommend the program based on her personal experiences with patients -- "one patient thought he was really sick, as if he was dying" after finishing the cleanse -- and on the lack of "evidence based medicine" supporting the claims of the Cleanse's proponents. This comes as no surprise, as mainstream medicine is generally distrustful of alternative medicine. But we will have to be careful about getting our bodies back in working order.

We are near the end, folks. Come 4 PM today, this fast is history.